Thou doth protest too much...!

Well, after a crazy last weekend, I have had a very different week. After clearly losing faith in the human race, (well some of it anyway- I must mention my gratitude for the support that has come my way also!) and having the need for distraction whilst drying out (A WEEK DRY! YAY!) I have resorted to devoting some time to finding my Second Life feet. And it has been helpful. I have managed to stay away from the booze without too much stress. Admittedly, I haven't been to the Doc's. I have a bit of a problem with actually getting to the Doc's office, have for years... much to dismay of my loved ones. I really hate Doctors. Perhaps in a delusional weird way, but it is rarely that I will actually get my ass into see one. I know I should. The thoyght has me chewing my cheeks out with anxiety.
Now, SL. Wow. There is something about SL that makes me feel certain that I have miraculously retained some of my innocence over the years. And that IS something.
I joined probably around a month ago, but have decided this week to spend some time exploring and developing my avatar into some kind of 'defined' character.
Heh. In four days my avatar has evolved from a pixely thing that resembled and overgrown garden gnome, to a glamorous young woman with the world at her feet.
What amazes me is how helpful people have been! I have been given tons of gifts from people and heaps of advice... it is kind of refreshing.
The darker side of the place presented itself to me by way of an indecent yet profitable proposal last night. I laughed my ass off.
Being the real life addictive personality that I am, I have limited myself to a certain time limited session each evening, but am definately falling into a bit of a fascination with the whole idea.
I'm not sure how I feel about this new hobby. All I can say is, it has been great distraction for me after some trauma, and I believe it has lifted me from a very lonely depression.
Hmmm. Perhaps I spoke to soon in previous posts about this?
Perhaps my instinctive wisdom about this was good guidance.
I guess it is what you make it.
I'm just grateful to have gotten through this week so well.
Peace.

Exposed....

Well so much for kinda traveling ok. It has turned into unraveling kinda badly.
Great night on Saturday night... unexpected celebrations, karaoke (I FUCKING LOVE KARAOKE...) and of course drinking.
Sunday hung over and sleeping. Contentedness with a fun birthday celebration.
Monday- race day. Psychotic drunk... major episode. Bruises, damaged house, major attention brought upon my the worst of my nutsness. Triggered by an assalut on my love.
EXPOSURE> Nobody knew about my BP until now here. Fuck.
Tuesday, Wednesday- I can't turn the TV off because I can't deal with silence without bursting into tears. Heavy heavy depression. I am missing home so badly. I have stopped crying because I'm writing, amazing. Going to the doctor tomorrow to investigate possibilty of starting meds again.
I am just not clever enough to handle this myself.
Meltdown, big time.

it's my party...

yep yep yep happy boidy to meee////\

i am fecking 36 today...

yyyyaaaayyyy

ffffff....mmm... ffff