A bit fragile...

Fragile... yep. Feeling stupid, yes also. Things seems to have a massive effect when they are quite insignificant.

I was very excited about watching the first episode of season four of "Weeds". I rearranged my whole living area so the lounges faced the computer, just for the occasion. I prepared a really yummy dinner, even put fresh greenery in a vase on the coffee table we were to eat from whilst we watched said event.

My mood was heightened for most of the day. Come the afternoon, I saw someone I knew at the front of my house, and was pleased that I was to be blessed with some company. The person didn't come in.

Kerplunk. There goes the heightened mood. It took me a good two or three hours to pull it into perspective with literal brainwashing of myself, reminding self that it was a silly little thing not to be concerned about.

When I was a kid Mum used to call me 'hypersensitive'. That used to annoy the shit out of me. "Can't I fucking feel ANYTHING....?"

I watched my hubby watching me, and without words I saw in his eyes the phrase "Oh for CHRISTS SAKE!"

In my own mind I am saying to myself "Down Meggy, down..." as I could feel the wind up of a potential snap.

I suppose the good news is, there was no snap. But I really hate being so fragile. I really hate feeling so reactive and stupid.

Anyway... needless to say, mood is not quite as positive today... a bit flat. There is a fight to keep it from slipping lower. I am quite determined to at least maintain a neutral nothingness. Still not much sleep happening.

Peace.