Ok... I'm manic.

I thought I was kinda mediocre... inbetweeny. But no. I sat with my man tonight and sensed he was uncomfortable with me.
"What's wrong?" says I.
"Nothing" says he.
"No really, I know something's up... whats wrong?"
"You are nuts at the moment. Your moods are all over the shop... I just don't know what to think. Are you going to come to bed tonight?"
"Yes."
"But are you gonna stay...?"

I didn't go back to sleep this morning. I went to the shops, and spent a shitload of money. On nothing really necessary. Games... a bean bag, lots of junk food... vitamins... a fabric box that I wasn't sure what I was going to do with... alcohol.

At this point I have consumed about half a bottle of 87% proof whiskey and am thinking I'd like to finish the fucker off.

After the conversation with my love, I think I will try to sleep beside him.

Temazzies have run dry, quite frankly, I know I will be doing the night walk.

I said to my love ;

"I know I am in a weird place, but I am trying to make it work... to use the energy in a good way."

I'm not sure he was convinced.

We will see.

Peace.