And she's back... again.

Hi all. It has been forever since I have written here.
Straight up I have been in depressions and manias cycling rapidly. Mix that with the most intense alcoholic binge I have ever been on and an unhealthy addiction to the virtual world and you've got yourself a real fine mess. ie Me.
I feel the need to write because I have been hiding. In this dark hidden realm mostly played out in my fast traveling head, but ultimately affecting my home and my health in the most negative ways.
So here I am. Fessing up to myself in blogginess, on the first fews days of sanity I have had in a long time. I have been so far gone. My feet have been swollen from drinking... they are down and feeling normal for the first time in months. I should be getting some help, but as usual have this ridiculous fear of seeking it.
But I am being brave. Being gentle. Recovering on so many levels.Working on forgiving myself for a lot of fucked up shit.
It's Christmas time again. A hard time for me. But this year, my focus is on maintaining some level of sanity, of calm... of good health.
This Christmas, I want to feel alive.
Peace.