Spirituality, Feeling Lost, and My Brain...

Something I haven't mentioned here yet is that I have a history of teaching. Would you believe spiritual teaching?!? Yes, it's true. I have been a student of mysticism and spiritualism since my very early teens, and once came a point in my life where I began to teach the things I had learned. I also did readings and some healing work.
Then came a time where my brain began to interfere with that work... I became extremely conscious of my history of episodes, alcoholic binges and general instability.
Truth is, they were becoming worse.
The irony is, even in the midst of madness, people were still coming to me for healing and guidance. I was a priestess, and despite my craziness, I was still trusted and admired for my work.
But I stopped. It all stopped. The dis-ease got the better of me, and I stopped trusting my own instincts, my own intuition... my own gifts.
There has been no improvement in the stability of my life. But I feel the stirrings within me that say "Meg, you should be doing the things that you are meant to do. This stagnancy and mistrust is stifling your growth."
I really am beginning to yearn for spiritual connections once again, and in reality, I am in an area where this kind of thing is greatly needed and sought after.
I feel it is time once more to start tuning in to those higher frequencies. That other world. It once gave me some comfort, some sense of meaning, a sense of place and purpose in this world.
Maybe it is time to wake up from this spiritual death. This state of merely existing. Perhaps if I begin doing the great work again, my own healing might fast track.
It is amazing and a bit silly, but when I am working with other people on this level, I feel able to 'forgive' myself for the BP dynamics in my life.
I see that others see something more in me than just the weirdness... and it feels right and good. Maybe it is time...
Peace.