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I am a bipolar alcoholic trying to get my life into perspective. I am also a musicaholic and lover of art and poetry, which is much healthier. This blog is my own journey of recovery and self help... I am a musician and songwriter, budding artist and mystic amongst other things.

Kindness... or stupidity...?

Tonight, after having a few drinks, sitting watching TV, there was a knock at the door. 1.30am in the morning. A knock.
"Who's there?"
"Sandwich"
"Who...?!?"
"Sandwich"
"Who???!"
muffled something.
So I open the door.
There is an aboriginal man standing in front of me, saying "Sandwich please?".
I live in a place where there is a large indigenous community. A pretty dysfunctional community. Alcoholism, child abuse, domestic violence... not very nice.
And at 1.30 this morning, I had a man, standing at my door, asking for food.
Now, I have been advised to not "give 'em anything... the bastards."
Umm, dilemma with that.
I am a street musician, a busker. I relied on the kindness of strangers for more than fifteen years to pay my way. I am also an alcoholic, as the man at my door obviously was. He was even more drunk than me.
But my heart said, give him something. Help him.
So I did. I gave him some food, and then said, "Fucking look after yourself man! Don't be doing this shit... fucking take care of yourself!!!"
Have I been stupid? Have I opened a door that I really don't want opened...?
I know what it is like to have no food because drink comes first. I know alcohol can make an honest man a thief.
I'm just not sure i have been wise, but I hope I have done the right thing.
"Thank you Sister..." he said.
I hope he is grateful, and that I didn't open a can of worms that I'm not ready for. I hope I have followed my heart... and my heart does not betray me. Maybe it will. I just can't stand to think of the coldness of the world, and how it has felt for me, at times. Man... this is a crazy place. I just want to do right... by the people and by my home.
Peace.

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